My stoic German grandfather once told my mother, “I’ve made so many mistakes.”
I know. Me, too. Sometimes, when I am falling asleep, thoughts of past failures and mistakes crowd my mind: Misunderstandings blown out of proportion, destroying relationships.
My own unhappiness leaking out and singeing everyone around me.
Hurtful “jokes.”
Promises not kept.
Failing to be the person I thought I was – or wanted to be.
Or being the person I didn’t want to be – or, maybe, was.
Sins of attitude, action, neglect and intent. And so much more…
I’d think, “I’m a Christian. I should be better than this.” Then remorse, guilt and trying harder.
Turns out I’m not alone: I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Romans 7:21-24 New Living Translation
For years, when those memories came, I prayed blessing for the person/s involved, believing that would atone for my sin. But condemning thoughts came back. But this last time was different. As I lay awake cataloging my failures, another thought came:
So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. Romans 8:1-2 NLT
And amazingly, God’s forgiveness has removed the sting of sin and failure. Now those memories come with this heavenly reminder:
And perhaps that is the truest truth about me.