I’ve been here before. I recognize this place. This is where 10 hours of sleep isn’t enough, where a morning shower uses up my strength for the day. This is where my brain fogs up and words come hard … if they come at all.
I don’t like this place. I don’t want it. It is so hard to remember how it feels to feel good. I want it to be different, I want to power through it. I can’t. Chronic Fatigue has me again.
I tell myself that this is just for now. This is not forever. That is true. But this is my “now,” the only one I have. But there are choices. I can whine and complain and make myself, and everyone else, miserable. Or I can accept my limitations and work with them instead of against them.
Because this, too, is true:
In time of trouble, say,
“First, He brought me here.
It is by His will I am in this strait place, in that I will rest.”
Next, “He will keep me here in His love,
and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child.”
Then say, “He will make the trial a blessing,
teaching me lessons He intends me to learn,
and working in the grace He means to bestow.”
And last, say,
“In His good time He can bring me out again.
How and when, He knows.”
Therefore, say,
“I am here (1) by God’s appointment, (2) in His keeping,
(3) under His training, (4) for His time.”
Andrew Murray
***
I know this place. I’ve been here before. And I’ve come through it before. I can do it again. God has got me. I am safe and loved even here. Especially here, where there is nothing else to lean on.
***
I had planned to announce that I was taking a break from this blog, but something happened to change my mind when I sat down to write this post. I’ll write about it tomorrow.