“I Can’t Do This!”

As I watch Zoey getting thinner, I whisper a prayer. “I can’t do this, Lord!”

A still small voice, “You are doing it.”

And I remembered that I’d prayed that prayer before.

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It was the winter of 2005. My husband was slowly dying of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). I slept in the guest room so Barry could watch TV if he couldn’t sleep. When I got up each morning, coward that I am, I would send Missy, our cat, down the hall into his room, while I waited by the baby monitor in the kitchen, listening for him to greet her.

Scared and desperate, I prayed, “I can’t do this, Father.”

“You are doing it.”

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I was doing it. I didn’t have a choice. Opt out on my husband? I can’t do that! I won’t.

Opt out on the cat? But that’s not my choice. It’s Jenna’s. Zoey is her cat.

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Don’t run from tests and hardships, brothers and sisters. 
As difficult as they are, you will ultimately find joy in them;
if you embrace them, your faith will blossom under pressure 
and teach you true patience as you endure. 
And true patience brought on by endurance
will equip you to complete the long journey and cross the finish line—
mature, complete, and wanting nothing.
James 1:2-4 The Voice

God’s tests are not just for me. Jenna has never directly experienced end-of-life issues. Her faith has a right to grow, too. She has a right to learn what I had to learn:

Christ is the one who gives me the strength I need to do whatever I must do.
Philippians 4:13 Easy-to-Read Version