From my journal dated November 27, 1999, after my first cancer surgery.
It is Thanksgiving, and I’m too weak and sick to cook or to help at the free, community dinner at church. Barry went to church for the whole day, and, after some coaxing, the kids and I went to eat.
I think I’ve internalized the idea that in order to be adequate I had to do twice as much as anyone else, and even then maybe I wasn’t and didn’t deserve…anything.
God laid that to rest as my church family welcomed me with hugs, food and love. No one questioned my right to be there, all were eager to serve. One good friend says she was impressed that I let myself be served – she doesn’t know how close I came to not!
God is teaching me that His body is a safe place, that I can have needs and have them met, that He will meet my needs through circumstances and through His people. I have been taught and have believed many lies. I want to live in truth now: I really am loved for who I am, a daughter of the King, and not only for what I do. And I will live it, even if it takes some time to replace my faulty programming.
See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are! 1 John 3:1 NLT
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6 NLT