Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.
Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.
Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.
I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
Interesting fact of the day: In Sweden, all government-owned ships are required to have a UPC code printed on the hull. When the ships are returned to port, it helps them Scandinavian.
I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden but how am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space, does that make him an Australien?
Why shouldn’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go!
We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
What starts with an “O” and ends with “nions” and sometimes make you cry? Opinions.
I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.
“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Supplies!”
“When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?”
“I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.”
“Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!”
I have a clean conscious—it’s never been used.
If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
Happy Father’s Day!